The talk I did last spring at TEDxOrangeCoast made it to the official TED.com website homepage today!
This is a dream come true and a blessing! I am so grateful!
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Sunday, May 8, 2011
What's next?
Well, Ive been invited to speak at TEDX in Orange County May 19th! This is such an amazing invite I still can't believe that I will be sharing the stage with Rick Warren and other amazing thinkers and innovators! If you are interested in reading or attending this spectacular event please click here www.tedxorangecoast.com
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
LIVE BEYOND LIMITS Shirts coming soon!
Want to know more about Adaptive Action Sports the organization I co-founded and help to run? Check it out here... www.ADACS.org
Helping youth, young adults and wounded vets Live Beyond Limits!
Helping youth, young adults and wounded vets Live Beyond Limits!
Nikki Sixx
We've lived different lives but similar experiences, that is why we are friends. People may look at us and think we are an odd pair not realizing that they are just like us. When you open your soul you realize that you judge and you are judged, we are all one, all connected, all full of disabilities yet all full of potential. If only the world could see, they are no different then you and me. Thank you for a wonderful day.....till next time!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
RoadTrippen in Hipstamatic
We decided to road trip up to BC for the WSF Adaptive Para-Snowboard World Cup and it was breathtaking!
About a month ago I saw this beautiful picture of a lake in a travel magazine. The lake was a vibrant turquoise and was surrounded by huge towering mountains and glaciers, I remember thinking that I wanted to go there someday! In our hotel room this past weekend the same picture flashed on the TV and I said to Daniel "That's the place, that's where I want to go!" and Daniel replied " that's where we are, look out the window." Everything was covered in snow, but yes, that's where we were, Lake Louise!
This is what I saw when I looked under my feet!
The mountains were huge!
The coolest hallway I've ever walked through!
The animals have their own bridges for crossing the highway!
Gonnies style suspension bridge!
Well hello Mr. Big Horn Sheep!
Did I mention how huge the mountains were?
Blue Glacier waterfalls were everywhere! I've never seen anything like it before!
Isn't our world beautiful! I am so grateful that I get the opportunity to experience it!
About a month ago I saw this beautiful picture of a lake in a travel magazine. The lake was a vibrant turquoise and was surrounded by huge towering mountains and glaciers, I remember thinking that I wanted to go there someday! In our hotel room this past weekend the same picture flashed on the TV and I said to Daniel "That's the place, that's where I want to go!" and Daniel replied " that's where we are, look out the window." Everything was covered in snow, but yes, that's where we were, Lake Louise!
This is what I saw when I looked under my feet!
The mountains were huge!
The coolest hallway I've ever walked through!
The animals have their own bridges for crossing the highway!
Gonnies style suspension bridge!
Well hello Mr. Big Horn Sheep!
Did I mention how huge the mountains were?
Blue Glacier waterfalls were everywhere! I've never seen anything like it before!Isn't our world beautiful! I am so grateful that I get the opportunity to experience it!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Lean Green Machine!
That's what I'm calling my new green drink recipe! It's so good and seems to keep getting better everyday! I started making these because I realize that most of us, no matter how healthy we eat, just plain and simple do not get enough veggies in our diets! It's hard to eat plates and plates of salad and fruit everyday. So, I decided to stuff all my veggies into the Vitamix first thing in the morning, that way I feel good for the day plus had a mass amount of needed nutrients! Plus it tastes like pineapple and coconut, you don't even taste the greens!
GREEN DRINK RECIPE #2
Coconut Water (depending on how thick you like your drink, I add a good 16oz)
2 leafs of romain lettuce
3 leafs of dark green kale
1 stalk of celery
5-8 baby carrots
1 thick pineapple spear
1 handful of grapes
1 big handful of spinach
1 big chunk of ginger
1 spoonful of coconut oil
2 big tablespoons of UDO's oil (read about it here)
2 tablespoons Flora Udo's Green Blend ( you can buy it at healthfood stores)
1 handful of ice
Blend
Makes 2 large servings!
GREEN DRINK RECIPE #2
Coconut Water (depending on how thick you like your drink, I add a good 16oz)
2 leafs of romain lettuce
3 leafs of dark green kale
1 stalk of celery
5-8 baby carrots
1 thick pineapple spear
1 handful of grapes
1 big handful of spinach
1 big chunk of ginger
1 spoonful of coconut oil
2 big tablespoons of UDO's oil (read about it here)
2 tablespoons Flora Udo's Green Blend ( you can buy it at healthfood stores)
1 handful of ice
Blend
Makes 2 large servings!
Friday, February 11, 2011
Read of the month!
After reading a fantastic book this month "The War of Art" and wanting to share it with the the people I care for, I have decided to start a monthly blog post about the books I am reading.
So why would you want to take a book suggestion from me? Well, I am certainly no critic and to tell you the truth I only read cliffsnotes in high school in order to get through book reports. I don't have a library of books in my house and certainly cannot say that I have read every book before the film comes out, usually it's the other way around. But, I think that is the reason why my opinion is legit enough to write about them! Outside of being fascinated with them, ( I love the way they smell, feel in my hands and am so anxious to fill my head with stories and knowledge)I think I am good to write about books because I get bored easy, I lose interest quickly, my ADD or whatever you want to call it forces me to constantly multitask, to skip around pages and for whatever reason I thoroughly enjoy reading books and magazines from the last page to the first. Therefore, can you think of a better critic then I? If a book captures my interest long enough to finish it and speaks true to my heart then you will find it on this blog! Enjoy!
Fembot's first book of the month!
Book: THE WAR OF ART Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles
Author: Steven Pressfield
Why this book?: It's rare that I read books that really speak true to my heart. I felt that this book not only taught me new information but even more it confirmed the information I already new and felt to be true. We all battle with resistance, we all battle with the fear and procrastination that goes hand in hand with motivation and drive. This book helps to identify that energy that works so hard to stop us from reaching our dreams and goals. This book also is written for someone like me, the chapters are small, some chapters consist of only 1 small paragraph which makes it a super easy read.
Quote from the book that really sums it up: "There never was a moment, and never will be, when we are without the power to alter our destiny. This second, we can turn the tables on Resistance. This second, we can sit down and do our work." Oh and did I mention that this is the creater of the book and film The Legend of Bagger Vance?
So why would you want to take a book suggestion from me? Well, I am certainly no critic and to tell you the truth I only read cliffsnotes in high school in order to get through book reports. I don't have a library of books in my house and certainly cannot say that I have read every book before the film comes out, usually it's the other way around. But, I think that is the reason why my opinion is legit enough to write about them! Outside of being fascinated with them, ( I love the way they smell, feel in my hands and am so anxious to fill my head with stories and knowledge)I think I am good to write about books because I get bored easy, I lose interest quickly, my ADD or whatever you want to call it forces me to constantly multitask, to skip around pages and for whatever reason I thoroughly enjoy reading books and magazines from the last page to the first. Therefore, can you think of a better critic then I? If a book captures my interest long enough to finish it and speaks true to my heart then you will find it on this blog! Enjoy!
Fembot's first book of the month!
Book: THE WAR OF ART Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles
Author: Steven Pressfield
Why this book?: It's rare that I read books that really speak true to my heart. I felt that this book not only taught me new information but even more it confirmed the information I already new and felt to be true. We all battle with resistance, we all battle with the fear and procrastination that goes hand in hand with motivation and drive. This book helps to identify that energy that works so hard to stop us from reaching our dreams and goals. This book also is written for someone like me, the chapters are small, some chapters consist of only 1 small paragraph which makes it a super easy read.
Quote from the book that really sums it up: "There never was a moment, and never will be, when we are without the power to alter our destiny. This second, we can turn the tables on Resistance. This second, we can sit down and do our work." Oh and did I mention that this is the creater of the book and film The Legend of Bagger Vance?
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Genepi s'il vous plaît
Genepi,my new favorite little drink. While in France I was introduced by my new friend Max who was an Italian ski coach to a liquor called Genepi or Liquore di Genepì and I am now on a mission to get this special drink into my house!
I love special little things and Genepi is now one of them! Genepi comes from the Genepi flower which is a little yellow flower that only grows in the French Alps and only grows above 2,400 meters. Every Spring,The flower is harvested and then turned into either a tea or a liquor. It is looked at as a strong tonic since the flower carries many benefits; improved digestion is one of them. Most of the pubs in the Alps make their own Genepi, like the place I went daily.
One shot of this stuff and you are feeling fantastic plus it tastes like a delicate aromatic flower and it’s fun to drink because it is so rare, it’s not something you find at the liquor store or many pubs in France! After one sip you will be asking Genepi s'il vous plaît every place you go!
Golden Girl
I won two French Adaptive snowboarding world cups this week! This officially makes me the highest ranked female adaptive snowboarder in the world! Nuts! Not too bad for a chick with legs made of metal..lol.. bionic, hightech carbon fiber that is... I have actually never been a very competitive snowboarder. I have always stood true to what it is that I love about snowboarding which is not the competition but the freedom and independence I feel while carving down a mountain of powder.
Although, now I can say that it is very rewarding being involved with competition.I know that when I compete that I am helping adaptive snowboarding grow, that I am pushing not only my boundaries but the limitiations of the sport in general, that I am a part of the growth of something much much bigger then myself!
para-snowboarding, adaptive snowboarding, French Adaptive World Cup, WSF Adaptive Snowboarding,
Monday, January 24, 2011
10,000 feet of endurance!
Today I got the opportunity to ride Crested Butte, Co! What an amazing magical place! Not just because I met my boyfriend here 9 years ago and had the opportunity to live up here for a year but because the wilderness here is so huge, it reminds you just how small we are.
We decided to take a detour here on our way to the ESPN X GAMES where our organization Adaptive Action Sports is running the first X Games Adaptive Snowboard Competition!
Today we woke up to bluebird sky's and perfect runs! I swear that the Udo's Oil I am religiously taking has helped my snowboarding! I haven't rode for weeks and today in 10,000 ft elevation I rode all day without any muscle soreness during the day or after. It is supposed to be amazing for endurance and recovery and today was a test of that for me! Since I am missing the lower half of my legs I mainly snowboard using my thigh muscles and upper body! I use so much energy just to walk (a double leg amputee can burn up to 60% more energy then the average person)so you can imagine how much energy I blast through in a day of hard snowboarding! My muscles were actually feeling so good that at one point during the day I leaned against the wall to do some wall squats to try to get some burn, then at the end of the day took a hike to grab some extra pow and still... no burn and endless energy! It's amazing what a difference the oil is making for me! ESPN X Games and French Adaptive World Cup here I come!Adaptive Snowboarding, para-snowboarding, ESPN X GAMES ADAPTIVE, Adaptive Action Sports
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Oil the Machine!
Udo's Oil! Have you tried it?
I saw Udo's Oil while walking through WholeFoods and other health food stores but I never knew anything about it or the benefits of taking it... until now!
First of all our bodies need fat!! A lot of it! But it needs to be the right type of fat! Our bodies use fat for energy, strength and stamina. Fat feeds our brains and helps us focus, it supports our neurological system and helps promote a lean body mass just to name a few benefits. Yet so many people are scared of it, therefore we don't consume enough of it. Or, in most of our diets our intake comes from saturated animal fat.
I, like most people get so busy day to day that I realize I haven't been eating enough nutrients or taking in a beneficial amount of oils and fats and yet I need to be taking in more than the average person since I am very active. Being a double leg amputee I burn up to 60% more calories then the average person (That's like doing sit-ups all day :))
The idea of Udo's oil is to nutritionally support the system with the perfect balance of Omega oils 3,6 and 9. That way we are getting enough of the right kind of fat to keep our bodies running not just smoothly but at an exceptional level. Instead of the oil coming from animals or fish the oil comes from seeds and nuts including flax seed, sunflower seeds and sesame seeds.
I started taking the oil consistently about a month and a half ago and I feel amazing! The first thing I noticed is that I was falling to sleep better and waking up more energized and refreshed. To tell you the truth I have been waking up with so much energy I almost don’t know what to do with all of it! No more groggy mornings! I mentioned this to Flora and they said that a study was done and that was a common benefit among the people taking it. Next I started noticing that I all around feel good. I don’t know how to explain it but I feel happier, more relaxed and less stressed, like an overall sense of wellbeing.
In the next few weeks, I will be training harder and snowboarding more during our X Games event and World Cups so I will be able to put the oil to the test more athletically. I’ll keep you updated!
Another thing; it's really important to me to be aware of where the products I use come from. I will only promote companies that I know have integrity and that are quality products that I believe in. I truly feel lucky to have been introduced to this product and to be working with Flora.
From this point forward I’ll continue to blog about these products with tips and ideas on how to incorporate them into a healthy lifestyle!
For more information on Udo's Oil click here!
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Happy 10'th anniversary to my kidney, my dad and my second chance at life!
Wow 10 years already?? Where did time go? Oh yes it went to me living the fullest life I possibly could live!
I remember all of this as if it was yesterday. In 1999 I entered the hospital with Meningicoccal Meningitis, in septic shock and complete kidney failure. My kidneys had shut down so suddenly that Dr. Abby the emergency room surgeon told my family he had never seen a person survive kidney failure like this before. My kidney’s went from working as a normal 19 year olds should to stopping 100% without a warning. But that’s how Meningicoccal Meningitis is, it absolutly blindsides you. Your healthier then ever one day then the next every organ in your body has shut down, every blood vessel in your body is hemorrhaging and if you survive you are facing the amputation of your limbs, loss of hearing and skingrafts just to name a few.
As soon as the nurses were able to find a vein they put me on 24 hour dialysis where a nurse had to sit by my side around the clock manually controlling my blood pressure and heart rate. If my heart rate would drop, they would adjust a medication to raise it up then suddenly my blood pressure would crash and they would give me another med to bring that up, all while the machine was filtering my blood. My life was absolutely in the nurses hands at this point and any wrong decision or wrong move and I would have been gone. It was such tedious work for Nurse Vicki that at one point she stepped out of the room and broke down crying to my family.
After a few weeks, I was moved from 24 hour dialysis to Hemo Dialysis which was an experience all of it's own. Every other day I would watch them roll in the machine and absolutely dread what was about to happen for the next 4 hours. They would hook the tube from the machine to the tube that was placed into my heart. When they flipped the machine on and it would slowly start pulling my blood out and pass it through a network of tubes and filters. The filter was a long clear tube which had a material in it that had the appearence of a coffee filter. I always thought that was strange, that my life is being supported by a modified coffee filter. It’s almost shocking that this man made machine with an on/off switch and a plug in the wall could mimic a human kidney. After hooking me up to this artificial kidney I would watch the filter paper go from bright white , to pink, then get saturated with red. The filtered blood would then go through a network of tubing and would go directly back into my heart. My fascination with the machine would only last for a good 50 seconds before I would get dizzy, start shaking and throw up which would require the nurse to give me a medication that would knock me out. About two hours later I would open my eyes just to see that I still had another 2 hours attached to the machine. I have to say that as challenging as it was, I don’t have any negative feelings toward this time. If anything ,I only have good feelings. I imagine it is due to the fact that my family would sit buy my side the whole time chatting with the Dialysis Tech who always seemed to have interesting stories. There is something about that time that is so surreal for me to think back on, yet the feelings that I get from it are those of gratitude and comfort.
After about 5 months of dialysis, 4 hours a day, 3 days a week we decided that I wasn’t getting any healthier and if anything I was only getting weaker. I was only 83 pounds to start with and when I would get back from the dialysis center I would weigh less and be lacking important nutrients in my system. I spent these months without legs, in a wheelchair, with severe back pain and would sleep most of the day. At one point we realized that I wouldn’t be able to walk or gain weight as long as I had to be hooked to this machine. It literally was sucking out whatever life was left in me.
I was lucky enough to be switched to another type of dialysis called Peritoneal Dialysis. My new kidney Doctor switched me to this dialysis after seeing how sick I was getting. Peritoneal is a type of dialysis that is gentle enough to be used on infants yet efficient enough for an adult to survive long term. I had a surgery that pulled out the hemo-dialysis port from my heart and replaced it with a peritoneal tube that went into my abdomen. This dialysis would prove to be my life saver! Just days after using it, I already felt better and within weeks I was gaining weight and building enough strength to get around the house in my new prosthetic legs. Over the next few months I went on to work out daily, to go out with friends and to even go to Aspen, Colorado for the summer by myself and hike and rockclimb. All with my “friend” the peritoneal machine by my side.
A year and a half after my whole ordeal started I had hit a point where I realized, my kidneys were not coming back. We were hoping that being 19 years old, that I was young enough for my kidneys to regenerate. But we were aware from the beginning that kidneys aren’t very good at that. Once they are injured they tend to get worse until a transplant is eventually needed. My kidneys had functioned normal to a point, I was lucky enough to be able to eat as much as I wanted and to not have to worry about sodium or potassium, yet my kidneys would not filter enough toxins out of my blood on thier own to keep me alive and healthy. But the thought of a kidney transplant was so overwhelming to me it was so hard to wrap my head around the idea that for a long time it wasn't even a thought! I had just survived losing both of my legs and now the doctors expect me to have a kidney transplant?? Were they serious? Isn’t this the kind of stuff that happens to the people on Dateline, Oprah or 20/20? I pleaded at times with whatever greater force could hear me to please help my kidneys come back!! I cannot stress how I was absolutely against having a kidney transplant in every way!! That is.. until I felt the cool air of fall approaching and started to sense snow in the air.
October of 2000, a year and a half after I left the hospital I couldn't fight it any longer and agreed with my doctors that the only way for me to move forward with my life was to have a transplant. The decision was made, I had no choice, If I ever wanted to snowboard again and live a healthy life I would have to succumb to my worst fear. Here I was trying so hard to keep myself healthy so that I would never get something like Meningitis again. Yet ,with a kidney transplant I would be forced to take immune suppressive medication the rest of my life so I don’t fight off the kidney. It was a catch 22 and I had to figure out if living a life on dialysis without a new kidney and without immunosuppressive medication would keep me healthier then living a life with a new kidney paired with a life on immunosuppressive meds. I chose the latter.
We always assumed that If I was going to go through with the surgery that my sister would be the donor. We thought that our closeness in age and her optimum health would make her a perfect candidate. That is until we realized that under a microscope her and I didn’t match at all. The first thing that has to match is your blood type, so that ruled her and my mom out right away. The next thing that had to match was the antigens. There are 6 in total that they look at and the more antigens that match between the donor and the recipient the better chance that your body will accept the kidney. My father and I matched higher then most kids do with their parents, 4 out of 6. Yes, my dad was almost perfect match!
After multiple X rays and blood tests the doctors gave us the option to set the surgery for November 7th, which just so happened to be my 21st birthday. As much as I agreed that I was receiving the best birthday gift I could ever receive, I chose to do the surgery 1 week later on November 13th. So when most 21 year olds are taking shots of tequila, I was taking shots of morphine and immune suppressive medication.
I remember the day of surgery clearly. I remember waking up that cold November morning, looking in the mirror and thinking that I could not imagine really following through with this. I kept thinking that something was going to happen last minute where they weren’t going to have to do the transplant. That miraculously my blood work would suddenly come back perfect or that the doctor would call in sick. I truly could not believe that this was happening today.
When we arrived at the hospital they took my father in first. I can’t imagine how nerve wrecking it was for my mother to know that both her husband and daughter were going through major surgeries at the same time. She handled it all with grace. As soon as they took my father back, I put my headphones on and tried to stay as relaxed as I possibly could which didn’t last for long. I began to panic so the nurses knocked me out with some sort of medication. Next thing I remember was waking up the next morning in my hospital bed. The first thing I asked was “how is dad?” then I looked down to see the bandage across my stomach and that indeed the surgery happened. My dad and I had just had the first Laparoscopic kidney transplant in Nevada!
According to the doctors the surgery almost didn’t happen. Although my father and I were put through a series of tests and x-rays before the surgery, they came across something unexpected when they opened him up. They realized that he had 3 arteries leading to his kidneys when average person is supposed to only have 1. If this were a normal situation the doctors would have stopped in their tracks, stitched him up and would have stepped out to tell my mom the unfortunate news. But because it was the first laparoscopic surgery and doctors and medical students had come out from other states to watch and assist, they decided to cross their fingers and go ahead with the transplant. My dad’s surgery lasted 6 hours due to the caution they had to take when cutting all of the blood supply to the kidney. I believe my surgery took less time with zero problems except for the loss of blood that required a few days of blood transfusions.
3 months later my father was happy and I was healthy enough to get back up on a snowboard and win 3 bronze medals in the USASA National Snowboard Competition.
So here I am 10 years later,10 years after the first day of my new life and I have to say that I am extremely grateful and proud. Proud of myself for enduring everything I did, proud of my father for putting his life on the line to save mine. My goal was to never treat myself like a victim to my circumstances , to always find the things in my life to be grateful for and to live the absolutely fullest life that I possibly could live! This transplant was my second breath and chance at life and there was no way that I was going to let myself waste it!
It’s funny because as much as I pleaded and prayed to the Gods above to bring the function of my kidneys back , today I am grateful that they didn’t. Nothing has made me live to the fullest like this transplant has. To know that absolutely every day matters and that every day that you are healthy and that you have love around you, that you are blessed. That has been my everyday for the last 10 years.
These days, I live my life not focused on my kidney or on my legs but on the passions in my life! Because of this life saving gift, I not only have the opportunity to live a full life, but I have been given the opportunity to help others do the same. Although I don’t don't look back on this experience daily, it is this time of year that always reminds me of this nervous young girl who was clueless what the future would hold and clueless about the beauty and adventures that awaited her.
This day affects me emotionally deeper than anything else ever could,I am so grateful to my father that words cannot even begin to describe. I really do not know all that went through my father’s head at the time that he was preparing to give me one of his kidneys. He really never expressed the fear and concerns that no doubt he had to be feeling. He just proudly stepped forward and offered to put his life on the line in order to save the life of his daughter’s. I will never quite know how to thank him for this gift of life and all I can hope is that whatever my father has inside of him, whatever it was that gave him the courage to do what he did for me, that I too have it inside of me.
Happy 10th Anniversary Dad!
I remember all of this as if it was yesterday. In 1999 I entered the hospital with Meningicoccal Meningitis, in septic shock and complete kidney failure. My kidneys had shut down so suddenly that Dr. Abby the emergency room surgeon told my family he had never seen a person survive kidney failure like this before. My kidney’s went from working as a normal 19 year olds should to stopping 100% without a warning. But that’s how Meningicoccal Meningitis is, it absolutly blindsides you. Your healthier then ever one day then the next every organ in your body has shut down, every blood vessel in your body is hemorrhaging and if you survive you are facing the amputation of your limbs, loss of hearing and skingrafts just to name a few.
As soon as the nurses were able to find a vein they put me on 24 hour dialysis where a nurse had to sit by my side around the clock manually controlling my blood pressure and heart rate. If my heart rate would drop, they would adjust a medication to raise it up then suddenly my blood pressure would crash and they would give me another med to bring that up, all while the machine was filtering my blood. My life was absolutely in the nurses hands at this point and any wrong decision or wrong move and I would have been gone. It was such tedious work for Nurse Vicki that at one point she stepped out of the room and broke down crying to my family.
After a few weeks, I was moved from 24 hour dialysis to Hemo Dialysis which was an experience all of it's own. Every other day I would watch them roll in the machine and absolutely dread what was about to happen for the next 4 hours. They would hook the tube from the machine to the tube that was placed into my heart. When they flipped the machine on and it would slowly start pulling my blood out and pass it through a network of tubes and filters. The filter was a long clear tube which had a material in it that had the appearence of a coffee filter. I always thought that was strange, that my life is being supported by a modified coffee filter. It’s almost shocking that this man made machine with an on/off switch and a plug in the wall could mimic a human kidney. After hooking me up to this artificial kidney I would watch the filter paper go from bright white , to pink, then get saturated with red. The filtered blood would then go through a network of tubing and would go directly back into my heart. My fascination with the machine would only last for a good 50 seconds before I would get dizzy, start shaking and throw up which would require the nurse to give me a medication that would knock me out. About two hours later I would open my eyes just to see that I still had another 2 hours attached to the machine. I have to say that as challenging as it was, I don’t have any negative feelings toward this time. If anything ,I only have good feelings. I imagine it is due to the fact that my family would sit buy my side the whole time chatting with the Dialysis Tech who always seemed to have interesting stories. There is something about that time that is so surreal for me to think back on, yet the feelings that I get from it are those of gratitude and comfort.
After about 5 months of dialysis, 4 hours a day, 3 days a week we decided that I wasn’t getting any healthier and if anything I was only getting weaker. I was only 83 pounds to start with and when I would get back from the dialysis center I would weigh less and be lacking important nutrients in my system. I spent these months without legs, in a wheelchair, with severe back pain and would sleep most of the day. At one point we realized that I wouldn’t be able to walk or gain weight as long as I had to be hooked to this machine. It literally was sucking out whatever life was left in me.
I was lucky enough to be switched to another type of dialysis called Peritoneal Dialysis. My new kidney Doctor switched me to this dialysis after seeing how sick I was getting. Peritoneal is a type of dialysis that is gentle enough to be used on infants yet efficient enough for an adult to survive long term. I had a surgery that pulled out the hemo-dialysis port from my heart and replaced it with a peritoneal tube that went into my abdomen. This dialysis would prove to be my life saver! Just days after using it, I already felt better and within weeks I was gaining weight and building enough strength to get around the house in my new prosthetic legs. Over the next few months I went on to work out daily, to go out with friends and to even go to Aspen, Colorado for the summer by myself and hike and rockclimb. All with my “friend” the peritoneal machine by my side.
A year and a half after my whole ordeal started I had hit a point where I realized, my kidneys were not coming back. We were hoping that being 19 years old, that I was young enough for my kidneys to regenerate. But we were aware from the beginning that kidneys aren’t very good at that. Once they are injured they tend to get worse until a transplant is eventually needed. My kidneys had functioned normal to a point, I was lucky enough to be able to eat as much as I wanted and to not have to worry about sodium or potassium, yet my kidneys would not filter enough toxins out of my blood on thier own to keep me alive and healthy. But the thought of a kidney transplant was so overwhelming to me it was so hard to wrap my head around the idea that for a long time it wasn't even a thought! I had just survived losing both of my legs and now the doctors expect me to have a kidney transplant?? Were they serious? Isn’t this the kind of stuff that happens to the people on Dateline, Oprah or 20/20? I pleaded at times with whatever greater force could hear me to please help my kidneys come back!! I cannot stress how I was absolutely against having a kidney transplant in every way!! That is.. until I felt the cool air of fall approaching and started to sense snow in the air.
October of 2000, a year and a half after I left the hospital I couldn't fight it any longer and agreed with my doctors that the only way for me to move forward with my life was to have a transplant. The decision was made, I had no choice, If I ever wanted to snowboard again and live a healthy life I would have to succumb to my worst fear. Here I was trying so hard to keep myself healthy so that I would never get something like Meningitis again. Yet ,with a kidney transplant I would be forced to take immune suppressive medication the rest of my life so I don’t fight off the kidney. It was a catch 22 and I had to figure out if living a life on dialysis without a new kidney and without immunosuppressive medication would keep me healthier then living a life with a new kidney paired with a life on immunosuppressive meds. I chose the latter.
We always assumed that If I was going to go through with the surgery that my sister would be the donor. We thought that our closeness in age and her optimum health would make her a perfect candidate. That is until we realized that under a microscope her and I didn’t match at all. The first thing that has to match is your blood type, so that ruled her and my mom out right away. The next thing that had to match was the antigens. There are 6 in total that they look at and the more antigens that match between the donor and the recipient the better chance that your body will accept the kidney. My father and I matched higher then most kids do with their parents, 4 out of 6. Yes, my dad was almost perfect match!
After multiple X rays and blood tests the doctors gave us the option to set the surgery for November 7th, which just so happened to be my 21st birthday. As much as I agreed that I was receiving the best birthday gift I could ever receive, I chose to do the surgery 1 week later on November 13th. So when most 21 year olds are taking shots of tequila, I was taking shots of morphine and immune suppressive medication.
I remember the day of surgery clearly. I remember waking up that cold November morning, looking in the mirror and thinking that I could not imagine really following through with this. I kept thinking that something was going to happen last minute where they weren’t going to have to do the transplant. That miraculously my blood work would suddenly come back perfect or that the doctor would call in sick. I truly could not believe that this was happening today.
When we arrived at the hospital they took my father in first. I can’t imagine how nerve wrecking it was for my mother to know that both her husband and daughter were going through major surgeries at the same time. She handled it all with grace. As soon as they took my father back, I put my headphones on and tried to stay as relaxed as I possibly could which didn’t last for long. I began to panic so the nurses knocked me out with some sort of medication. Next thing I remember was waking up the next morning in my hospital bed. The first thing I asked was “how is dad?” then I looked down to see the bandage across my stomach and that indeed the surgery happened. My dad and I had just had the first Laparoscopic kidney transplant in Nevada!
According to the doctors the surgery almost didn’t happen. Although my father and I were put through a series of tests and x-rays before the surgery, they came across something unexpected when they opened him up. They realized that he had 3 arteries leading to his kidneys when average person is supposed to only have 1. If this were a normal situation the doctors would have stopped in their tracks, stitched him up and would have stepped out to tell my mom the unfortunate news. But because it was the first laparoscopic surgery and doctors and medical students had come out from other states to watch and assist, they decided to cross their fingers and go ahead with the transplant. My dad’s surgery lasted 6 hours due to the caution they had to take when cutting all of the blood supply to the kidney. I believe my surgery took less time with zero problems except for the loss of blood that required a few days of blood transfusions.
3 months later my father was happy and I was healthy enough to get back up on a snowboard and win 3 bronze medals in the USASA National Snowboard Competition.
So here I am 10 years later,10 years after the first day of my new life and I have to say that I am extremely grateful and proud. Proud of myself for enduring everything I did, proud of my father for putting his life on the line to save mine. My goal was to never treat myself like a victim to my circumstances , to always find the things in my life to be grateful for and to live the absolutely fullest life that I possibly could live! This transplant was my second breath and chance at life and there was no way that I was going to let myself waste it!
It’s funny because as much as I pleaded and prayed to the Gods above to bring the function of my kidneys back , today I am grateful that they didn’t. Nothing has made me live to the fullest like this transplant has. To know that absolutely every day matters and that every day that you are healthy and that you have love around you, that you are blessed. That has been my everyday for the last 10 years.
These days, I live my life not focused on my kidney or on my legs but on the passions in my life! Because of this life saving gift, I not only have the opportunity to live a full life, but I have been given the opportunity to help others do the same. Although I don’t don't look back on this experience daily, it is this time of year that always reminds me of this nervous young girl who was clueless what the future would hold and clueless about the beauty and adventures that awaited her.
This day affects me emotionally deeper than anything else ever could,I am so grateful to my father that words cannot even begin to describe. I really do not know all that went through my father’s head at the time that he was preparing to give me one of his kidneys. He really never expressed the fear and concerns that no doubt he had to be feeling. He just proudly stepped forward and offered to put his life on the line in order to save the life of his daughter’s. I will never quite know how to thank him for this gift of life and all I can hope is that whatever my father has inside of him, whatever it was that gave him the courage to do what he did for me, that I too have it inside of me.
Happy 10th Anniversary Dad!
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Coming Home
A few years ago, my family moved from good ole Las Vegas to a neighborhood in Boise, ID called Hidden Springs. After a few years of just visiting for a two or three days, I was finally able to stay put for a while and it was wonderful! I have fallen in love with the place and was so blessed to spend time with my beautiful niece Bryten Dae and wonderful nephew Jonas.
Small Doors
I am facinated by them!! Where do they lead? Where's the tiny little man that lives in them? What kind of of magical world opens up on the other side... so many questions!
Toronto!
The Combo of Toronto and the i Phone Hipstamatic ap is fantastic!!... What a fun city to walk around! So many details, old buildings, churches, cheese shops, meat shops, great coffee shops and bakeries... I think it is my new favorite city!
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